Tsukihime Anime Review…I wish it didn’t exist either.

…This is easily the most boring anime I have ever seen in my life. There, review over! Let’s all go back to our normal lives and make fun of the end of the world most people thought–You aren’t letting this go, are you? Come on, don’t make me remember! Can’t I just whine about The Last Story some more? Or even review some good games?

Well, it is the new year, and I wanted to do something special. It’s not great, but it’s something new. That said, I’m not good at reviewing anime or movies like many others are. The same thing can be said for comic books, and that deals with experience. I spend more hours dealing with games and am thus more qualified to review them. And sometimes, I have to watch those movies over and over. Fact remains, they are all different forms of media. An average 24 episodes of anime can’t really equal the time length of most games, RPGs in particular which are the ones I mostly play, and there’s no factor of gameplay to take in. Not to mention movies are shorter and they have to cram all of their material in while making it flow beautifully.

In other worse before I started rambling, yes, I watched the Tsukihime anime not once, but twice!

Look at Shiki in the left corner. He is pitying me.

Look at Shiki in the left corner. Get used to that face.

And there’s a good reason why people say a Tsukihime anime doesn’t exist. Is it because it sucks more than a toddler on a teet? Nah, kinda. It’s because this isn’t Tsukihime. For those who aren’t aware, Tsukihime is a visual novel made in Japan, and later translated to English, and easy to download and install. I have it on my computer, buuuut haven’t got a chance to get to it yet. So I went into this anime twice without having ever experience Tsukihime fully both times. My only experience was from Fate/Extra, who had one of the sisters from Tsukihime in the game, and of course Battle Moon Wars, one of my favorite games. There was also the funny Carnival Phantasm, along with some friends on Plurk who talk about it or play the character on Dreamwidth.

And then I finally did decide to see the visual novel because the original review was way too short and lacked on details, I wanted to spice it up. Instead, I had my fears confirmed: This isn’t Tsukihime because it just doesn’t capture the feel, and some characters seem out of character at times. And at times, they can be just unlikeable, or flat out boring, which the characters never were in the other forms of media. There is plot missing, and a lot of sillyness. This anime tries to take itself seriously, but far too much to the point of boredom. The voice actors are good, I know that, but the performances most bring are just utter crap and lack emotion. Now, Tsukihime is a serious series, but it could be laid back at times, letting everything flow at a relaxed pace and have personality as well. This doesn’t.

I mean what anime? Can we end the review yet?

I mean what anime? Can we end the review yet?

What is the plot you may ask? I at least get the basics: Shiki Tohno, a high-schooler, has his life changed when he moves into the mansion with his sister, Akiha, and then suddenly killed a woman by the name of Arcueid with these strange powers he has, apparently since he was a kid. Why and how did that happen? Never explained, at least not fully, especially on the latter. We get a reason for HOW he killed her, but never one on how she was revived or why he did it. And the plot revolves around their relationship, and has other plot elements that are never really explored all too well. The visual novel fixed these parts, like describing how differently vampires acted in this universe, while the anime just bats an eye and only really points out drinking blood.

Let’s take an example. Ya know how in the visual novel, Satsuki, one of Shiki’s friends, becomes some kind of vampire? Not in this anime. It was at first hinted that she died since her family took her out to dinner at a hotel (roll with it it), and that was when one of the main villains attacked, and it was presumed she was killed based on a list of names taken from the hotel massacre. She got out because she had a flu, but it could have been hinted that she was lying and really a vampire. Never brought up again, and seemed absurdly pointless! The novel on the route I am on, Ciel, at least made it ambigious during the hotel and park scene so far, and focused on filling the dread. It was serious too, but it was a special kind of scary. The anime? Missed the complete point.

And there’s another point they missed: violence. You may say this is unnecessary, but violence and gore can set the factor of an anime, especially when the visual novel played it as important information. For example, Chaos, or N since I can never fully spell his non-vowel name, managed to actually devour parts of Shiki and put him extremely close to death until Arcuied saved him from the first time, while the second time had more of a tension filled moment, showing Shiki as a very capable and dangerous person when his back was against the wall. The anime failed to capture any tension despite such a serious tone. It doesn’t make the viewer care at all, doesn’t bring any mystery either.

While we are on this subject, the animation is just poor. It’s the not the worst, but it lacks the life of it too, as if someone rubbed something into it. The action in the visual novel was impressive, and it was told only in words. The anime delivers lackluster fights that don’t do much, and if we don’t care about the characters, the fights are utterly pointless. This is one of the major complaints I have with the new DmC as well, that if I don’t like the new Dante, it doesn’t motivate me to care about the already meh gameplay!

No, I’m still not over it.

And believe me, there is a LOT of filler. Boring, useless filler. In 12 episodes.

And believe me, there is a LOT of filler. Boring, useless filler. In 12 episodes.

This is the novel, one single path, and on a cruddy ending no less, crammed into 12 episodes that try to have an arc. It fails because of the reasons stated above: it doesn’t make you care, and rarely if ever shows a light side to it, and even the light sided stuff like the filler is completely wasted. About the only character that showed some kind of life to him was Arihiko, and he is not even one of the true main characters! Nothing makes sense in all of this, and as someone who has briefly glanced at the series, this isn’t Tsukihime, because it is stripped of what made Tsukihime enjoyable. Imagine the Star Wars prequels, as bad as they were, and stripping everything that made them have a chance at being enjoyable or making sense, including the themes. Complain as I must about the Fate/Stay Night anime, it was far superior and had some more interesting characters…granted most of them die, and I’m left with Shirou, who I hate, and Saber, who I am sorry, but don’t really like all that much. Before you rage, I did love Fate/Zero, though Kiritsugu can go die in a ditch for all I care. But at least with those, even if I didn’t like or hate them, I felt emotion with them, and there were points I generally cared about them. Even the visual novel, despite the nasu porn, is quite enjoyable and I am loving it.

Tsukihime anime verson, I just wanted to turn off and end my misery! Watching this series twice just to do a proper review? I don’t even think this is proper. I just explained everything bad about it so quickly. The artwork is bland, the colors barely stand out, there is nothing I care about with such dull performances, nothing makes sense, characters aren’t fully in character, the opening is dull, and it is so effing boring, I can’t stand it! If you are looking for some emotional symbolism crap, you are looking in the wrong place. May I recommend Jesu Otaku, or Brows Held High? Granted, making them suffer with this would just be plain torture and pointless, and I wouldn’t wish that on them.

I hate this anime. Girls Bravo? Yamato’s First? Sands of Destruction? I hate all of these anime with a passion, yet I would watch them if I was put in an ultimatum, and it lasted for 3 months, while a thousand fan girls were raving about Twilight in one corner, while another thousand people argue why Chris Brown is awesome. And then had to be pounded into the ground by the Hulk after all of that.

I’m sorry I don’t have much else to offer, but is there anything else for me to say? I could curse like an idiot, but that involves remembering this, and you know what I would rather do. And I never thought I would say this, but….The Last Story, come back to me. You were awful, but you weren’t THIS!

The anime that is not Tsukihime gets a whopping 1 out of 5.

Next time, hopefully we’ll be back to other games. However, there’s a matter I need to take care of with The Last Story. Still, we’ll do more game reviews before that, just to give us a break from this. Just see the visual novel, be it download or YouTube it. Just be warned of Nasu porn. If you don’t know what that is and want to look it up….I warned you.

No Nasu porn in this anime.

No Nasu porn in this anime.

I’m Final, and I suffer so you don’t have to.


About The Smartest Moron

I am a college graduate of Temple University, majoring in Media Studies and Production. While hunting for jobs, I also do a review series on YouTube where I analyze stories/characters called The Smartest Moron.
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